An Ode To The Person I Love Most

Before I said the words, “I LOVE YOU”, I thought about it not only twice or thrice.
Not even a hundredfold, but a thousand times.
It was called for, a must.

Something I learned the hard way, to guard my heart.
A part of me did not want to make the same mistakes as I did before.
And I know, neither did you.

Everyday ain’t easy, we did not expect it to be.
We both do not come with instructions.
And even if we did, for sure we’ll both find thousands of ways
to challenge each other’s willpower and dominance.
Every single day.
Albeit, unintentional.

I have been, though you may deny it, challenging your patience lately.
I know there have been days I push you to the edge, to your limits.
This is no matter how I try to avoid being an annoyance.

And I have found out you are not always easy to handle.
As I am the same on my bad days.
Suffice it to say, that if had had rules,
we surely have broken most of them by now, at least once.

When you undermine my ego at times, it makes me question my goals, my intentions,
about everything, or anything, at all.
But even if you are the worst kind of pain-in-the-ass

• I’ll keep coming home to you, until you want me to.

For you are my home.

We both have been broken, by others, by ourselves, time and again.
And I know that is scary just thinking about those dark times.
But I’m here now, and I will hold your hand, when you need me to.
When you grasp for a presence that will calm the storm –
I’ll try to be there, always.

There have been days, when we least expected it, and need it to work most-
everything just seems to fall apart.
We even act like immature teenagers, or three year olds throwing tantrums.
Finding sleepless nights, wallowing in places where nightmares are considered relief.

The deafening silence appeared unbearable,
but we did not let it destroy us.
We did not and will not allow it.

For despite all the doubts,
ever since I decided I want to win your heart and succeeded in it –
and the moment we swept each other off our feet,
I know all my troubles are all worth it.

I am looking forward, with hope and my head held high.

When moments come that I feel emptiness overwhelms me,
I know you will never leave my side.
When I’m weak, you will be my strength.

When I just want to be alone, and not give a care,
I believe you will understand.
You will be at my right hand through troubled times.

I have faith that you will want no less than my happiness.
And I do not expect a lifetime of flowers and butterflies.
One thing I do know, is that our journey together will be worth our while.

The daredevil in me will ask you to join me in rollercoaster rides.
And with hesitation I know you will take my hand and oblige.
We will both be glad to play side by side in this game called life.

You won’t hesitate to be broken for me to be whole.
And I will do the same.
As the world watches, together, we will defy the odds.

And so, before I tell you I love you again, no more thinking is required.
It will be as natural as breathing, part and parcel of my being.
Because in front of all of these uncertainties and promises…
I still do not expect you to love me the way I want you to.

I know you will love me in the best way you know how.
Like the way I am loving every bit of you right here, right now.

two of many

wait. those sounds.

clickety-clack. the rain pouring heavy outside. it’s like the sky feels how my chest does right now. you know what they say when it rains. it gets amplified. these feelings get amplified.

clickety-clack. the keyboard doesn’t stop. nor do my hands. nor does my mind. 1500 miles per hour, or maybe at the speed of light. brain pulses shooting everywhere. but really, they’re 90% thoughts about you. of why, and how, and when, and what now.

click click click. you say you miss this kind of mind. busy. it’s both a blessing and a curse. words and rhymes you come back to from time to time. when silence is all you need. sometimes, when silence is all there is.

tap tap tap. says my foot on the ground. to the rhythms and beats in my head of the songs we used to jam to, -play to each other like a pillow fight on sleepless – yet nights that made us smile, -sing to each other not giving a f*ck if we were in tune.. as long as we were you and me, me and you. raw. true.

tick tock tick tock. i watched as the clock’s hands moved in a motion that won’t seem to stop. only you had that power. stopping time in it’s tracks each time i hear that giggle or i see that smile. most times, when those eyes evaded mine.

“have you done this before?” i asked and then you shook your head. just that, and then no other words were needed. just that shy smile of yours i have come to adore without you knowing. it’s those times when life felt like a movie scene, it plays in my head over and over again. the only description that would fit was a warm hug. that, or a hot cup of coffee flowing into your stomach when a storm is raging outside. not too intense, not too light, but just the right amount of anything that’s good.

sssshhh… silence.